University Application Survival Guide for Grade 12 Parents

If you’re the parent of a Grade 12 student, I see you.

You’ve been through it. You parented through a global pandemic, just as your kid was coming of age. That part wasn’t easy. This part has its own challenges.

I’m right in the trenches with you.

As I write this, my daughter is packing her things, preparing to head off to Queen’s University, where she’ll study Engineering. My son is heading into Grade 11, when all the stakes feel suddenly raised.

For the parents of Grade 12 students, I wanted to pull together some tips and tricks for surviving this year.

Before we dive in, let’s peek at some of the things they’ll likely be doing and avoiding this year.

Grade 12 Tendencies

Unless your child is especially self-motivated and organized, you can expect to see some of the following:

What they will do (give or take):

• Watch 42 videos comparing Dal Commerce to Saint FX Business (insert other universities, as required)

• Watch Day-in-the-Life of UBC student videos, even with no intention of applying to UBC

• Watch 200+ TikTok videos on must-have accessories for a dorm room

• Rank a list of their must-apply schools by residence life and cafeteria

What they (probably) won’t do:

• Seek out their guidance counsellor in advance of the busy season

• Organize a list of schools by program and requirements

• Create a plan for the written components of their applications

• Ask for you to review their Personal Profile, supp app or other written essays

In short, while your Grade 12 student may feel ready to live on campus next year, they might not be prepared to research programs and prioritize their applications this year.

In other words, they still need you.

They are Covid Kids, after all, and while that meant growing up quickly in some respects, it also meant they missed out on some key aspects of growth.

So, how do you, as a Grade 12 parent, best survive this year, while helping your student thrive?

Survival Tip #1: Be Kind to Yourself

Chances are, your kid’s Grade 12 year will be full of ups and downs.

There will be worry over deadlines, stress over marks and plenty of restless waiting.

While you plan campus tours and wait for news of acceptance, you might find yourself consoling your child through tsunamis of doubt. Meanwhile, you might wonder if you did all you could to help them as much as possible.

Insert a big, fat deep breath.

Your son or daughter will be okay. You’ll be okay, too.

Knowing the year will be stressful can help you prepare ahead of time. Find ways for you and your kid to release stress. For me, it was always a run. For my daughter, it was time at the gym with her favourite music in her earbuds. Together, we set time aside to watch our favourite shows.

The year won’t be entirely stressful. There will be seasons of discomfort, followed by periods of excitement and hope. The more you can plan ahead to be kind to yourself, the better your year will be and the more patience you’ll have to support your Grade 12 student.

Survival Tip #2: Set Expectations

As you can imagine, Grade 12 is full of deadlines.

For our kids who came of age during Covid, this could be the first time they face real deadlines. You know what I’m talking about — real ones, not the kind that get shifted because your dog had fleas.

Just as marks have escalated in recent years, so too, have school deadlines become soft. While teachers have shown kindness to our students, not wanting them to stress out any more than necessary, real deadlines have become less common.

This is a challenge for many Grade 12 students — they’re not used to real cutoff dates.

Rest assured, university application deadlines are real and hard. Unless you have extenuating circumstances, if you miss the deadline, you miss it.

To help our kids (and ourselves) with the firm dates, it helps to talk about them openly. I have a friend who printed out relevant dates and stuck them on her fridge — something I might do for my son’s Grade 12 year.

When you talk openly about deadlines and the expectations of what is required for each, it takes some of the mystery and stress from the whole thing.

Survival Tip #3: Build in Buffers

Of course, the first cousin of ‘know your deadlines’ is ‘give yourself a buffer’.

If you are applying to universities in Ontario and the Ontario Universities’ Application Centre (OUAC) deadline is January 15, have your child pick a date well ahead, as an artificial deadline.

Many of my daughter’s friends chose New Year’s Eve as their personal deadline for OUAC applications. They were fine. Others waited until closer to the firm deadline (see above). Those kids experienced plenty of stress.

When you are helping your Grade 12 student plan out their timelines for applications, make sure you recommend buffers. Remind them that life can throw unexpected obstacles their way — a flu or an unplanned work shift.

Let’s face it — buffers are helpful for everyone.

Survival Tip #4: Let Them do It

Okay, this one is actually hard. But it’s so important.

Even if you need to nudge your Grade 12 student to do some research, it’s important that they own every step of the process as they apply to universities.

As a parent, you’ve probably stepped in more than you should. Join the club. Over-helping seems to be at epidemic levels. Some parents are even helping their kids with homework in Grade 12. I get it…it’s so tempting to just help them a little.

But, social science tells us we shouldn’t. Apparently, if we want our grown children to support themselves and generally be self-sufficient (yes, please!) we should stop doing everything for them now.

When it comes to your child’s Grade 12 year, try to think of yourself as part of a pit crew for your kid. In other words, you’re ready to fuel, support and advise them, but you have no helmet. You are not, in fact, one of the drivers.

Gentle guidance—yes. Filling out applications for them—no!

After all, it’s good practice to step back. Once they’ve been accepted to university, your child will be managing all communication with the school on their own.

Deep breaths - they can do it. You can, too.

Survival Tip #5: Prepare for Acceptance Seasons

Brace yourselves for the news of others.

One thing I wish I’d known about for my daughter’s Grade 12 year was the pressure the kids feel during university acceptance cycles.

While some kids won’t have even sent in their applications, others will be hearing news through early acceptance. Naturally, you and your student might process these things differently.

Chances are, you’ll be happy for the friends of your children, wondering how the news will rank against their wish list. For your Grade 12 student, however, it can feel like even more stress.

Again — this can feel true, even if they haven’t applied anywhere yet.

Many early acceptances come out before Christmas. These vary, depending on the university and program. For the regular acceptance season, schools often need to see January marks before they send out acceptances.

Yes, some students will hear from programs—even Engineering and Health Sciences—as early as January. Most, however, won’t hear for a few months. I have friends whose kids didn’t hear from their top picks until May 31st.

Talk about stress. The waiting is one thing. Watching their peers celebrate on social media is another.

As you prepare to help your Grade 12 student through this year, be ready to offer comfort and encouragement through what can be a long, jittery waiting period.

Survival Tip #6: Celebrate Every Step

Given the potential stress of this year, it’s important to let it go once in a while.

Here’s my advice — celebrate everything you can. You’ve chosen your final list of universities for applications? Let’s order in.

Applications have been submitted? Let’s toast fizzy drinks with family.

And news of acceptance (even to your kid’s back-up plan)? Full-scale celebration, whatever that looks like to you.

Whether your Grade 12 student is aiming strictly for Finance at the University of Saskatchewan or Computer Engineering at every Ontario university that offers the program, you will likely have plenty to celebrate this year.

Make sure you embrace the chance to cheer your student, whenever you can. It will make you feel like an important part of things, too.

Find just-right help for your child’s university applications

If you’re interested in finding the right level of support for your university application essays — including personal statements, personal profiles, supp app essays, video interviews and more, we can help.

At On Your Mark, we’ve helped Canadian students to map out and edit their application essays for Engineering, Life Sciences and Psychology programs at top Canadian schools. We’ve also helped students prepare and practice for on-the-spot essays and interviews, as part of the supp app for Health Sciences at Queen’s University.

We look forward to helping you find your voice for the written or video components of your university applications. Let’s do this.